Dumb Things In Guardians Of The Galaxy Everyone Just Ignored

There's no doubt Guardians of the Galaxy is one heck of a great movie. Marvel expanded its universe into the cosmos, introduced an entire team of new heroes, and snuck in about 15 million homages to all your favorite space movies.

But it wasn't perfect. It was pretty close, sure, but there were still a few boneheaded plot holes and dumb decisions that left us scratching our heads. From the inadequacies of the universe's super cops to Thanos' awful command structure, we break it all down right here.

Why was the orb on that planet, and why did everyone suddenly start looking for it?

The film kicks off with Quill showing off his sweet dance moves during a set piece to steal the magical orb McGuffin at the heart of the story. It's a crazy fun bit of action, it establishes Star-Lord as the roguish hero, samples the film's sweet soundtrack, and pretty much sets the pace for everything to follow. You could be forgiven for not wondering why on Earth (or random planet) this ultra-powerful orb is just abandoned on this random, largely destroyed planet. Oh, and why has everyone suddenly started looking for it? Thanos didn't want it until now? Nobody cared about this insanely powerful weapon until this exact moment, and pretty much everyone arrived on this planet at the same time to get it?

Quill's unbreakable Walkman and mixtape

Anyone who's ever used a Walkman was almost certainly rolling their eyes at the idea of Quill's decades-old unit still going strong. Sure, those old Sony tape players were tough, but there's no way that thing would keep on kicking. We see Quill using it all the time, so wear and tear would've taken a toll. There's also the fact that Quill's mixtape is still functioning after all this time. You're telling us that thing never got a kink while he was swapping sides? Or just generally wore out from overuse (it's the only tape he has, so he's obviously listening to this thing a lot, right)?

How did he make the tape deck in his space ship?

Speaking of which, how the heck did Quill build a cassette deck inside his ship? It seems he's never returned to Earth since being kidnapped and tossed into space, so where did he get the parts? Even if he were able to scrounge together the components, how did he figure out how to actually put it together and make it play? It's certainly a key part of his throwback charm, but the logic just falls apart along the way. Did he just happen to have a spaceship-ready tape deck in his pocket on abduction night? C'mon.

Pretty much everyone speaks English

This is a problem in pretty much every space film, and the answer is obvious: It's a hassle to create fake languages, and it makes it harder for viewers to follow the film with everyone using them. But most films usually do a better job of explaining that away. Farscape used translator microbes as a major plot point, while Star Trek uses the Universal Translator technology. But in Guardians of the Galaxy, everyone just speaks English. Director James Gunn did address this after the film's release, noting that during the rap sheet for the team members, it's noted in Quill's notes that he has a translator device installed. But it's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, and you'd think they might've at least tossed in a throwaway line to explain it away.

The Nova Corps are not a great police force

Looking back to the comics canon, the Nova Corps is the premiere intergalactic police force. They're a big deal, and in the film world, it's established they're also a force to be reckoned with, but their big-screen counterparts aren't all that impressive. During the early scene when Rocket and Groot are chasing Quill and Gamora, it takes the Corps awhile to actually put a stop to it. If that wasn't enough, after the climactic battle for Xandar, the Ravagers show up to the crash site before any Nova Corps members make an appearance. C'mon, guys—this is your planet! Don't let the space pirates beat you to the epicenter of trouble.

If Gamora is so dangerous, how did Groot and Rocket get the upper hand on her?

We're told over and over that Gamora is the most dangerous woman in the universe. We see her kick a fair amount of butt, sure, but she doesn't exactly live up to the billing. One prime example: during the early chase scene with Star-Lord, Rocket and Groot, they manage to get the upper hand on her fairly easily. She doesn't come off as the revered daughter of Thanos. Then, when they're in prison, a group of prisoners take her and plan to kill her. Sure, there are a lot of these guys, but if Gamora is supposed to be so dangerous—couldn't she have at least put up more of a fight before Quill pops in and stops them?

Why does Thanos keep using intermediaries?

This is just mind-boggling. Every time we've seen the Mad Titan, he's been on his fancy space throne, bossing around a subordinate. In The Avengers, it was Loki doing his dirty work. In Guardians of the Galaxy, Ronan the Accuser is off hunting down an Infinity Stone for Thanos. We're led to believe that Thanos is an insanely powerful being, and the fact that all these bad guys are scared of him makes that pretty clear. He's also, like, 20 feet tall and pretty scary. So, if he has all this power without rocking an Infinity Gauntlet, why does he keep getting these mid-tier baddies to handle his business? Couldn't Thanos have just gotten off his butt and gotten this thing himself? Then he wouldn't run the risk of Ronan going power-mad (surprise!) and trying to keep the stone for himself.

Why did the prison guards wait so long to shoot their giant guns?

The prison break scene is one of the most entertaining action set pieces in the film, but it makes no sense for the guards to let this chaos get so far. When Rocket gets the Guardians gathered together in the control room, the prison guards gather outside with huge rocket launchers—and proceed to have a slow countdown and fire them one at a time at the glass. We see it cracking, and it looks like one more shot would shatter it for good. So why didn't the guards just fire at once and shut down this insurrection? They take their time, continue to give warnings (even after the robo-guns have been shooting at the prisoners like crazy), then wait just long enough for Rocket to finish up his rewire job.

How did Quill know who Jackson Pollack was?

Bear with us here, because when you break down this excellent joke, it's a bit hard to believe Quill would've been able to actually make it. When talking about his ship, Quill opines that it would look like a Jackson Pollack painting under a blacklight. But Quill was abducted from Earth when he was still just a pre-teen—and he doesn't exactly seem like the type of kid to be kicking around at art galleries, right? So yes, it's a great gag, but it's hard to believe adult Quill would've known enough about Pollack to actually make that pop culture reference.

Groot can't say 'We are Groot'

We're going a little deep nerd here, and we don't want to tear apart one of the sweetest scenes in the movie, but it just doesn't work. Looking to the comics, everything Groot says comes out as "I am Groot" because of his extremely stiff throat muscles, and he's not able to "say" anything else, though he's actually not just saying that one phrase. It's all about the inflection, and Groot is actually saying all types of things (as you can see by the fact that Rocket understands him). Groot's actually one of the most well-spoken members of the Guardians in the comics—you know, if you can actually understand him. So having him be able to say "We are Groot" goes against the rules of the character. Obviously, Gunn opted for the sweet moment over the details, but it's still worth noting.

Drax didn't always take things literally

Dave Bautista's live-action take on Drax was one of the highlights of the film, and the fact that he takes pretty much everything literally was good for more than a few laughs. But they weren't entirely consistent with that point throughout the film. For example, when Quill is telling the team they have a chance to "give a s—," Drax doesn't literally think they should gift feces. Yes, it would've gotten a bit annoying to have Drax keep interrupting every analogy, but they could've at least provided a bit more consistency. Maybe make it a bit clearer that Drax was starting to learn some of these things?

Why didn't one of those guys just shoot Yondu when he was using his magic arrow?

After Yondu crashes and it looks like he's about to be captured, he whips out his magic arrow and uses it to take out a whole platoon of soldiers. Yondu controls it by whistling, and it's cool to see that thing zip and dart around. But why didn't the soldiers just shoot Yondu? He's obviously controlling this thing, so why didn't one of them think to just shoot him? They all just stand there and watch this thing mow them down, and no one thinks to at least try and pull the trigger? There's literally one guy standing there with his gun on Yondu.

Where did Quill get that fake orb?

By the end of the movie, we're well aware that Quill is a quick thinker and a con man extraordinaire. He manages to steal the orb back from Yondu by swapping it out with a fake, in a clever move that keeps the orb out of play and puts it in safe keeping. But where did Quill get a replica? The orb looks to be a one of a kind item, and is holding the stone when Quill finds it on the planet at the start of the film. It stands to reason there aren't a lot of these just hanging around. We never really see Quill get a break to make or purchase a replacement, and though it's a clever trick, it just doesn't make much sense.